Beware, or I'll eat you alive.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Robert Frost~~~

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And (many)miles to go before I sleep.

And promises I've made to myself, long before I discovered Mr. Frost and his delectable poetry that echo my sentiments and feelings. (purr)

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Where I live~~~

Good Afternoon sweet things,
Some of you are wondering do I live in San Francisco or where do I live that I can see the lights of the city.
Well, my sweet, yummy things, I live in a little island community that is just across the bay from S.F.

When I moved up here I did live in San Francisco, rooming together with several girl friends from college, considering the high rents, where we lived those years ago, made for cramped living, but it also taught us to not accumulate too much so space and organization was a priority. Mmmmm but it was fun and an adventure.

One of the pluses is that we managed to get along well. We HAD to. (Merowl)

But with careful saving, wise investing and a lot of good leads, within a few years I found the perfect place for me to live. But I had to leave San Francisco, I still work there and I love shopping there, it has that edge and atmosphere that can only be found in special places like that.

But driving a car there??? Ooohh sweet things, unless the place you're going to has lots of park spaces just leave the car at home, which is what I do. And that is a bit of a draw back, I do have to walk to catch a Trans-Bay bus during the week into the city, and if I go during the weekend, I plan on walking further to another bus stop, take it and then the infamous BART. I have to say all that walking does help to keep me in shape.

But let me show you the lay out of this Island town---I have to admit they call themselves a city, but most people think of it as a 21st century Maybury, it never fails, you always eventually will run into people you know. And unfortunately some you wish you didn't know (growl).

So just below here is an aerial view of the town.

It includes the Island plus the diamond shape pattern of land below it as well as a tiny island in the middle of the estuary, that tiny island is called Coast Guard Island.

And although this next image is at ground level---from my windows I have that view of the City By the Bay, but it's not always that clear and beautiful, some days it's even clearer, and some days you can barely see it. When I have a chance and a good camera I'll include images I have taken, but this will give you an idea.
I've also included a link that you will see, to a web site that give a brief history and more images.

Right now the rains have come and are pouring down, it is gray again, I can see it washing the blossoms that have opened on the plum trees, the few sea gulls that I can see have hunkered down, the sparrows are no where in sight, poor little things, I hope they've found shelter.

At this one shopping center here that I shop at, there is a old man, everyone knows he's homeless, but he never begs or asks for handouts, he just sits and says hello if anyone looks at him, if one is dressed nice he will say to the ladies "You look beautiful today" or if it's a man he says "Now that makes you very distinguished".

People will go up to him from time to time and shake his hand but I do see some paper money slipped into his hand, and I hear them say "Hey grab a cup of coffee" or "Lunch is on me". One man gave him a brand new yellow rain gear, saying "Hope this keeps you dry".

The stores say he never bothers anyone, so they never call the police, and if he goes into a business he doesn't stay there too long, just enough to buy his food and he quickly leaves without disturbing anyone. He seems to enjoy his independence. I think of him now and hopes he has found shelter. And yes my sweet yummy things, I have given him money to have Lunch.

He seems to realize his place in life and he doesn't want to disturb it, even the police just talk to him to see if he's O.K. Yes, this town is 21st century Maybury. (Purrr)

I'm going to skip watching the Oscars, I find it boring to watch fanfare of that sort, but my other neighbors are going to have another party, they have these hugs Oscar statues cutouts in front of their home, of course with the rain they are getting soaked. Oh well, but they do find it fun.
Lillian said she's going to watch one of her many DVD movies instead and pop popcorn. I might drop in and join her. (Purrrr)

So for now I'm off to take care of mundane things that need to be done in my life. (meuw).

Some of you have asked me a lot of questions, so I'm going to compile them and answer them when I have time. Until then my sweet, luscious, yummy things, stay dry, stay warm and stay well. (Merowl)

What happened last Christmas, a "final" chapter~~~

Hello again my sweet, yummy, luscious things.

I hope you have a nice cup of hot chocolate or coffee or maybe even good bourbon to drink, from the way things are going this is going to be a very long post.

First I want to say to Fram, now that would be a wonderful sight to see. Once in a great while a large hawk will swope low along the inland road going to the Oakland Airport, I know its a hawk, and near the historic high school I've seen falcons so close that you can count the feather markings, they have become so adapted to city living no one bothers them, because it's so wonderful to see such creatures, and near the hotel, there are tall old palm trees that owls make a nest in. It's rare to see them but several people have.

I said earlier today that my elderly neighbor, Lillian told me that I should finish, round out if you like, what happened after I left my Father’s house to go to college and then this last Christmas day, when I shook things up at his church.

For that I’m going to have to back track a bit; remember my Mother did a special act of rebellion when she took me to a Catholic Church, during the time that my Father was gone for a few days from the house.

I still can remember that place, the scent of incense, the music, and everyone joining in the prayers with feeling, every now and then a little child would mis-behave but the attitude was of quiet , a soft “shush, Jesus is here and he wants you to pray and say the mass” it seemed to focus the child, but if the child was too little, then either Mom or Dad would distract the child with a soft toy, or a book, or would take the child out into the entrance foyer, totally different from my Father’s church where you knew any infraction would result in standing up front of everyone and being made an example of a sinner, and the whole congregation would call out “shame, shame”.

Going to that Catholic Church was a revelation, completely different and it was my Mother’s one of only two acts of rebellion, when she put me to bed that night I told her that it felt different, and she said that she wanted me to see something other than Father’s church. But it was our special secret. Later she became pregnant with baby sis and after that there were no more acts of rebellion by her except one and of course the quiet knowledge of my planning my freedom and her not interfering.

I was grateful for Mrs. Smith and Miss Lambe, the few times my Father encountered them he discovered he met his match, women who were not afraid of him, were not intimidated by him, and as I got older in my late teens, I told Miss Lambe how I wanted to be free of my Father’s domination, I also told her about that one time going to the Catholic Church and what had happened.

She helped me improve my grades so I could qualify for scholarships for college and helped me apply for them.

Being in College wasn’t easy, the scholarships only went so far and I had to work part time, but I was use to doing without. I was lucky to be able to get a dorm room; I shared it with two girls, who, along with several others, became my close friends, Yoshi and Karen. If it wasn’t for them, and their support dealing with college, it would have been more difficult. It was hard dealing with the more privileged, moneyed students and their little ‘cliques’ or sororities, I never joined any, and although it helped you to join, one could “network” contacts that way, it made them appear in my eyes as ‘snobs’, and, when they had their drunken parties, idiotic snobs.

At the restaurant where I worked, sometimes these ‘sorority sisters would come in, make impossible demands for ridiculous things, even sending whole meals back, making it difficult for me to attend to other patrons, and then not tipping, one time one of them tripped me, fortunately I was not carrying any dish or glass ware, but in falling I painfully scraped my knees, I continued to work that night but with large band aids on my knees and walking to my dorm was painful. Janet one of my dorm mates was being asked to pledge to the sorority that would come into the restaurant, but when she saw what happened to me she had her doubts that it would be a good thing.

But I told her she should; her mother was alum of that sorority and would be disappointed if she didn’t become one of those sisters. Doing that was hard for her, because of our friendship, but I thought that once in there I would lose her, that never happened, and thanks to her friendship she helped Karen, Yoshi and myself and helped us get the connections we needed.

And for the other sorority sisters that tripped me? They were asked to not come back by the manager, who wrote a letter to the Dean, that little trick did cost them. What they didn’t know is that I had made a deal with the chef and the manager, any food that any customer didn’t want, instead of being tossed away, set it aside I would carton it and take it to my dorm mates, we ate very good.

In a letter that my Mother wrote me she told me that Father was furious that I had escaped him, but since I was of legal age there was nothing he could do, but not Mother, she was secretly glad. I wrote letters home to let my Mother know that I was fine. I wrote more often to Miss Lambe, and from time to time she would send me a care package. I thanked what ever powers there were for her help.

When I finally graduated and got my first job, I lived in a small apartment with Yoshi and Karen, we lived in that tiny place until we each had jobs that helped us afford our own places. But Yoshi went back to live with her Mother and Grandmother in China Town after her Father had died, it was better for them and even after she married, she and her husband continued to live there.

After living in the City for six months I saved enough money and went home to visit, I had written Mother what day I was coming, I also wrote to Miss Lambe, she called me and said she was so proud of me and insisted that I stay with her for the few days that I would be in town, which did save me money and I arrived at the bus station a day early so I could spend some time with Miss Lambe.

The next day I went to my parents house, my Father was at work, baby sis was glad to see me, Mother fluttered around me like a Mama bird, I asked if she got my letters, she said she did and read them but she didn’t save any, because the day my letter arrived telling Mother when I would be coming to visit, was one of the few times Father stayed home from work ill, such a rarity for him, but his fever was too high for him to work and Mother had to take him to the Doctor’s office for treatment. So Father stayed home for a few days.

Mother had gone shopping and baby sis was at school when the mail arrived with my letter, he read it, then when Mother came home he handed it to her, she read it and then Father asked where were the other letters, Mother knew that it was not wise to refuse so she got them. He read them slowly, sometimes twice, and then he destroyed every single one in front of Mother. She told me she cried when he did that, it was like he tried to destroy me, but he can’t you know my sweet things, he can’t and this last Christmas after so many years he discovered that he couldn’t destroy me.

It was back then that Mother gave me a slip of paper, it was the name of a lawyer, she said I was to see him about Grandma’s trust, Father and Grandfather had tried to break it, but couldn’t. Grandma had written a provision that if there was any attempt to break it then the trust would go to charities. Father then thought if I didn’t know about it then I would never claim it and even threaten Mother if she told, but Mother gave me the information, it was her second and last act of rebellion.

In thinking about that moment those years ago I realized that in the years that followed I saw her becoming more and more gray, more and more quiet, the spark that kept her going was fading and that now she is just marking time. What she had done is given me the financial wherewithal that became my financial foundation to always be able to maintain my independence.

When Father came home from the office he saw me and barely said anything, so I ignored him and simply answered baby sis’s questions, while Mother went into the kitchen to get dinner ready.

He sat in his over stuffed chair reading his paper, while baby sis and I talked; finally Father said to me “I guess you expect me to pay for your sister’s college education when she’s old enough?” I looked at him and said “If she keeps her grades up she can apply for scholarships and grant programs and work part time like I did, but it wouldn’t hurt for you to open that wallet and let the moths out and help her like you didn’t help me.”

I won’t go into the fight that followed but I did have a certain satisfaction of saying to him that I had now become the type of woman he was afraid of…One that was neither intimidated by him nor cowed by him. He made the mistake of saying to me “I’m your Father” to which I replied “Yes, to my ever lasting sorrow, you pitiful little man, you are my father only by biology but not by respect.” He stared at me then with a straight back, turned and left the room. Mother pleaded with me to leave, for her sake I did, but just as I left I gave her Miss Lambe’s address and phone number and told Mother she could always contact me through her.

It was 2 years before Mother asked me to come back to the house (I can never really call it home) for the first of many strained annual Christmas dinners. Things have never been warm between Father and I, they never will be but I do it for Mother and baby sis’s sake.

Miss Lambe is still alive and at the Library as a volunteer where she still does the Saturday afternoon story times, I count her as my friend, mentor and surrogate Aunt, I never hesitated to write to her or call her. And with e-mail, questions and replies are quicker than snail mail; she helped guide me as I matured, just as Mrs. Smith helped with the initial breakthroughs to create the desire to learn.

But now going back to this last Christmas it seemed to culminate the relationship between Father and myself, perhaps shifted it to a different level.

I had groaned at the thought of going back there for another Christmas dinner, for the last few years Father tolerated me staying under his roof for the few days I visited, one of the few shifts in things. It was better in a way, it seems that for the next week or so before and after Christmas the members of the church were going to go every evening, and I realized that each night, the sermons were ones repeated from years before, only updated, but looking around I saw that many of the members were listening as if they were hearing it for the first time. None so blind and those who refuse to see.

On Christmas Day I had dressed carefully and deliberately, Father’s church was having a late afternoon service instead of a morning one, I discovered that the church was having a late communal breakfast and Father had to be there, with Mother; baby sis and I would come later for services, as we were preparing dinner.

So we had our own bite to eat, free of Father’s thunderous glances, and when baby sis saw what I was wearing she said “You are going to make a lot of people unhappy” and I smiled at her saying that it was my intension.

We sat through a long sermon in which the ‘minister’ was going on and on and on about the evils of the world, that there was no redemption to be found and we were going to be swallowed up in hellfire, not one word about the promise given to us in the guise of an innocent baby, and not one word about God’s love. We were bad, we were evil, we were every abomination that one could think of, and it went on sooooo long that I thought that splinters were seeking themselves into my posterior side.

I found myself becoming angry at the ‘minister’s tirade, but I knew that there was only one time where I could speak and I waited.

There is a moment in the service where those who feel they may have ‘sinned’ should stand up and ask forgiveness from the congregation and be prayed for. Almost everyone stood up and confessed their ‘evil deeds’ even baby sis at Father’s insistence for some meaningless infraction.

When the minister asked “Are there any others?” I had the pleasure of standing up, which shocked everyone, and made this statement, (I thank baby sis for having made a transcription of the tape recording of the services) ----

“The only thing I’ve done is to break away from this repressive church and discover the freedom that a warm and loving God offers’ I’ve come here not as ‘Jezebel’ but as ‘Judith’ welding her sword against ignorance and bigotry as preached to this congregation.

God is loving and forgiving, he gives us the free will to make choices and to enjoy life, to live our lives in loving moderation, but in doing so we must give back and help those, no matter who they are, who are less fortunate than us, in their time of need.

Without preaching, without forcing our beliefs upon them.

Not being with God is not hellfire and damnation or self flagellation but being separated from his love, which he never withholds from us, for it is always there, but it is us who withhold our love from him, we who think we are sinful and unworthy to receive his love and his blessing.

By not praising ourselves or seeking praise but simply doing the greatest commandment that God has given us that makes us worthy of his love even down to the smallest of kindnesses.

It is said in the bible “to make a joyful noise” to welcome Him into your heart but you do not do this, even when God gives us the lilies in the field and the songs of birds for us to hear, see and enjoy, yet you deny his gifts.

In your seeking your god you do as the publican did in the temple, by saying “I’ve given this up for you and suffered this for you’ you are only glorifying yourselves, not god, you should be like the Tax Collector who does his duty and tries to do it well but does not know if he is worthy of God’s grace and only asks for forgiveness for his weaknesses and God finds him, with all his imperfections and honesty, to be perfect.

It is said in the Book of Judith “How can you expect to search out God and comprehend his thoughts?” You cannot except to understand, not literally but through the heart that there is only one law, only one commandment, the greatest of all and that is “To Love One Another”, and yet, here, in THIS church, love is considered a sin.

I pity all of you.”

I sat down, my back straight against the unyielding bench and stared straight ahead as I felt every pair of eyes on me. I expected the ‘minister’ to make some remark condemning me to hell, but instead there was only silence, until he cleared his throat and asked the congregation to turn to a particular page to do the final reading, then the services were closed.

Father couldn’t look at me. As we left the church I heard some of the older parishioners say they would pray for him to have the strength to carry his burden.

Did I mean to publicly humiliate him? Not only him but everyone in that church, I had had enough, after all these years, after hearing that ‘preacher’s" sermon of damnation on Christmas Day I finally had enough. Baby sis’s so-called boy friend was not there to see this; he came to the house later for dinner and no mention was made of it to him.

When we got home Mother quietly asked me to change into something less bright, for her sake I did and helped her put dinner on the table.

One of the few things that did surprise me was Father allowing us to have a little ‘fun’ by putting together a large puzzle after dinner was cleared away, but since it was a puzzle of one of Thomas Kinkades paintings it was considered not ‘sinful’ in Father’s eyes.

The day after Christmas, I had made plans to go and see Ms. Lambe for a few hours, when I returned Mother and baby sis were not home but Father was. He called out my name from the living room when he heard the front door close.

I went in expecting him to breathe hellfire upon me, if he did I was prepared to leave immediately, but instead he said to me “You spoke very well, my late Father would have been surprised that a serpent such as you could use words so eloquently.” I looked at him and said “Thank you for the complement, it was meant to shake everyone up, I won’t apologize if it humiliated you because I think you enjoy the sadistic pleasure of it.”

I turned to go upstairs when he said in a stronger voice “Woman stop!” I turned back to him and he continued “I am your Father, you SHOULD respect me!”

I replied “Some years ago I said that you are my biological father; that I can never deny, but respect is earned through love and gentle firmness in discipline that a child knows is meant with love.

I acknowledge that you clothed me, but in second hand clothes, you fed me although miserly, you sheltered me, although with little comfort, you sought medical aid for me and sent me to school only because you could not be humiliated by being arrested for child neglect and were warned by your Father that it was in the church’s best interest to avoid having the law come into this house and only through that fear did you do it.

Not once did you comfort me, praise me, encourage me, even hug me. For that you only earn my contempt. If you want me to leave this house now I will. But if you do anything to endanger Mother’s health, if you harm her or my sister, if you try to force my sister into a loveless marriage, then I will take steps to free them from you and take on the burden of their care and you can remain in this cold, empty house with your idea of god.”

We stood there looking at each other, I could feel the air between us vibrating, I realized it was a test of wills and I was not going to back down, I already had in place what my next steps were if he should tell me to leave but that did not happen, instead I could feel the tension deflate, then he turned and said in a almost conversational voice “Your Mother and Sister have gone shopping for some things, they should be back in an hour.” And he went back, sat in his chair and took up his newspaper.

I went upstairs and changed clothes playing that scene over and over in my mind, who won? Were there any winners or was it a truce? That evening after dinner Father left to go to his church’s bible class most likely to receive more sympathy from fellow members all saying words of ‘comfort’ to him.

Now alone for a few hours Mother, baby sis and I sat in the living room and I told them what had happened earlier, Mother said that was not like him at all to back down from that kind of confrontation, and left the room to make us some tea. Baby sis said that what I said the other day at church was very brave, and she told me that some, but not all, felt the same way I did, and that it was harder and harder for the ‘minister’ to keep the younger members involved with that church, and even worse, some had left.

She, Mother and I talked about how things have changed in the world, the new technology, the greater acceptance of many things, baby sis said that she thought it was wonderful that I stood up to Father and what I told him. I made her promise to never bring it up to Father ever again.

Then I took a good hard look at everything in the living room, nothing had ever changed, with the exception of re-covering some pieces of furniture and always fixing the refrigerator, the only thing replaced was the washing machine and even that was the simplest model, the place was ‘frozen in time’ and Mother always dressing the same way, she sewed her own clothes but it was always from the same patterns, she had remained frozen in time as well, except for getting older.

I finally asked Mother where did the furniture come from, and she told me that the house had belonged to Father’s Grandparents and when they died Father inherited the house and everything in it before he married Mother, it had always been there, the only things added were a few pieces of furniture that was from his Father’s house before it was sold.

I gained a certain insight to this man who either hated or was afraid of change and new technology, the only new thing was a push button phone in his den where he paid the bills, the one in the living room was still a dial up phone.

I thought of something one of my friends told me, just a few months before her Grandmother had died they had gathered at her Grandmother’s house to watch man walk on the Moon. When she helped put her grandmother to bed, her Grandmother remarked that as a young girl she saw Hailey’s comet come out of the sky, so bright it was that it could even be seen in daylight, then she talked about all the other changes that happened over the years, man flying, several world wars, advances in medicine of illnesses that had killed some members of the family now easily cured, and now man has walked on the moon. Her Grandmother sighed and said “I think that is enough for one lifetime.” 4 months later her Grandmother died. She had seen enough in her lifetime.

I thought of all the sudden advances in technology that had happened in the last few years, is this what my Father is afraid of? That technology is causing him to lose control? Has changed all that was familiar with him, until he felt so lost and isolated?
Or was it ingrained into him by his own Father and Grandfather’s fears, passed down like a defective gene into the very cellular memory of the body, that he had to inflict it on his wife and children as well, but by a quirk of fate we see things differently and accept the changes as a part of life.

Had what I done awakened something in him or had it broken him, these thoughts ran through my head as baby sis talked about her plans to complete college. Then Father came home, Mother of course went to him to help him take off his overcoat, and he sat in his chair, I chose to say nothing, but baby sis asked him how was bible class, and he said that some of the members wanted to talk about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorra so that was discussed in class. When I stood up to take my cup into the kitchen he asked me when I planned to leave and I told him the day after next, I wanted to avoid any New Year’s Day traffic, he only nodded. When I left to come back home to the Bay Area, he had gone to work and never said a word to me at breakfast, which was fine with me. I said my goodbye’s to Mother and baby sis, I had called Ms. Lambe and said I would e-mail her when I got home.

The drive home was uneventful, and once in my own home, I e-mailed Ms. Lambe and then slept for 14 hours. And what has happened since then? Mother now writes me once a week, with extra notes from baby sis, and I write back to her at the house, she says that she doesn’t hide the letters that she writes to me any more, and when the letters from me arrive she reads them and even Father asks if I have written and he reads them, but he makes no comments on the contents of my letters he just hands them back to her, he makes no effort to tear them up.

But Mother says that except for that everything with Father is much the same, the congregation at church is the same, but I think something may have changed, maybe I have him thinking. I know I am.

I don’t think that there can be any amends between us, the gulf between us is too wide, the wounds too deep, although I’ve done my best to heal those within me, as I said I don’t hate him, I only have contempt for him, and pity, he’s older now, and all that was familiar to him is really gone, he has lived a joyless life created by his Father and his Father before him. It’s moments like this that I think what would have happened if it had been different, the road not taken, the path not explored. Perhaps that is why I enjoy seeing the camadrie between elderly couples that have lived together for a long time in love still. The road never taken out of fear.

It’s late, the lights of S.F. twinkle faintly, and there are night clouds that attempt to shroud the city, no stars in the sky, and rain threatens again, earth’s tears. And so to bed my sweet things, to bed, and let the cares of the day float away on pillows of dreams.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Morning Coffee and Birds~~~~

Oh sweet things, I have awaken early this morning, enjoying my morning coffee, looking at the play of sunshine on the trees and water outside my window, viewing the city as it’s hills and canyons are outlined in light and shadow.

My attention is grabbed by movement closer to me and I find myself watching the small birds quickly pecking and nibbling at the emerging blossoms on my neighbors fruit tree, looking for tiny insects, hopping from branch to branch, each chirping to the other in their ‘bird gossip’ way.

I found myself thinking about these birds’ life. We make the mistake of thinking that birds have it so easy, but they don’t when one thinks upon it. Their lives are focused on the basic needs of life, food, shelter, procreation and survival. Yes, my sweet things, those are the four basic needs of life.

And it is not easy for them, yet they do survive, some sacrificing their lives so other can continue the species; mating, raising their “children”, giving them the basic tools for their lives, pushing them out of the nest, and doing it all over again. Are we so much different? Not really, the only difference is we are more complicated, we clutter our lives up with material things, thinking that material things are important when they are not.

Lillian told me last night about the Oakland Firestorm that occurred in October 1992; she said that she had strangely been prepared. “More for Earthquakes than a fire, but it’s all the same”. Her home was up in the hills, where she had lived with her late husband for almost 50 years, he had died 5 years before and she continued to live there, but when she saw the fire, her sense of premonition took over and she quickly gathered all the albums, important papers, her purse, pills and her small suitcase and threw them into her car and drove before anyone even thought of evacuating.

She wasn’t sure where to go, but thought that Alameda would be best since it was separated by the estuary from the rest of the bay area. And there was a ‘back door’ escape route towards the Oakland airport, eventually she stayed at one of the hotels that was near the airport, and contacted her family that she was safe and where she was.

“I watched it from the T.V., I knew that my house was gone. 25 people died in that fire, a miracle it wasn’t more.” And this was only a few years after the Loma Prieta earthquake, her house had come through fine in that earthquake, but the fire “melted everything, reduced it to ashes, ash was floating everywhere, even a burn page from a cookbook found its way to San Francisco, the wind carried it, that was the problem, the winds and everything so dry.”

And now watching the birds I find myself reminded about the basics of life and its resilience.

Lillian said that I should bring everyone up to date on my “Web log” (that is how we got the word ‘blog’—computer speak) she said that everyone would wonder what it was that I said in that church, what was the aftermath how do I feel now that I had done it. And she is right; a chapter, all of life is chapters, like Shakespeare’s 7 ages of man.

All the worlds a stage and all the men and women upon it merely players---to paraphrase him.

I will do it this evening, I’ve nothing special planned, and more rain is coming, it will be purrrrfect.

To Fram---it is wonderful to have remarkable neighbors to admire and to be amused by, such an energetic woman, good for her, and those boys, how enterprising, maybe Daddy has too much stuff in the garage and needs to have a serious garage sale. (Merowl)

To BLUEx PRiiNTZ---as I said in response to your comment earlier, it is difficult for me to engage in a “talk” on line, I am busy and have demands upon my life and time, but feel free to ask me questions and I will respond here. (mew)

About “pistol whipping” some of the characters---I have found that, with only a few exceptions, it’s better to laugh at them, with how their minds work, laughter seems to disorient them, it is not what they expect. With those exceptions, I call the police, although I most likely would prefer to “blow away” those 51/50’s, less DNA in the gene pool and less stress on the budget, but that would not be “politically correct”.

And speaking about the ‘gene pool” the Mayor of San Francisco, Gavin Newsom, is expecting a baby, not him, his wife. Oh bother! (Growl) just what we need another PC weenie idiot, who thinks we should eat grass and not defend ourselves.(Snarl)

I need to get into my car and drive to the range and release my anger----Hmmmm I think I’ll do that, it’s been a while.

Until this evening, my sweet, luscious, yummy things, until this evening. (Growl)

The Characters of San Francisco~~~~

Well you sweet luscious, yummy things, the situation here in California “heated up”. They did a “lock down” on the house and the senate at the State Capital to finalize a state budget.

Hmmmm and they did, Republican Maldonado, waited until he knew that the vote came down to him and he made his demands. Oooohhhh I just loooove his strategy, the democrats had to give in or they would be stuck there, without showers, until the budget passed, and what Maldonado demanded made very good sense. (Rowl)

A spending cap, no raises for law makers in budget deficient years, no per diems for law makers if a budget does not pass, elimination of the 12 cent per gallon tax on gasoline, the Comptroller’s office could forget all new furniture, put to the voters on the ballot for 2010 if they want open primaries, of course sweet things that is something that most democrats hate, but he got it. Although he thinks it could cost him his political career, but I think that he just might improve it, because he thought the way most reasonable people, like Moi, think. (Merowl)

After all why should those idiot, knuckle draggers get paid, when the rank and file are being laid off. Even I know that the threat to lay off the rank and file would do NOTHING!! (Rowl) But oh threaten their own pet projects coming to a stand still and THEN watch them hustle (Growl)

It’s not perfect, but it’s what everyone is going to have to face for the next 18 months, the question is will what California receive, in its portion of the stimulus package be enough? Of course it won’t, even I know that you have to do more to bring businesses here to California and I’m talking big corporations, not just small businesses.

Creating almost 500,000 jobs here in California is not enough, when we are closer to being several million unemployed. (Flicking a speck of dust off my sleeve)

But enough of that sweet things.

I’ve been scanning the news and there is so much to consider and rant about I don’t know what to chose from, I think I would prefer local news, after all we all know what is happening and not happening that should happen nation wide and internationally.

Work has been a “bit insane”, my friend Yoshi and I, as well as several others feel that when the rain stopped and we had a few ‘blessed days’ of sunshine, it also brought out the ‘nut cases’ or as I prefer to call them “51/50’s”.

There were just too many incidences to even begin to tell you, like one man accusing John of impersonating a police officer, and poor John was dressed in a business suit, or the man who said Yoshi was staring at him when she was really looking at me as we grabbed a cup of coffee this morning; of course this man was never in Yoshi’s line of sight as he was sitting behind her, then this fellow said “everyone-is-staring-at! ME!’ so I said to him with an evil look on my face “You better watch out, ‘they’re coming to get you Barbara’”

(Merowl) I soooo loved the original “Night of the Living Dead” (the one in black and white) we laughed when he quickly got up and ran away. Ahhh but dear sweet Yoshi said “It can’t get worse.” It did.

This afternoon (Friday) we were finishing up things at work when there was a commotion just outside our conference area, we stopped what we were doing and went out into the main area and was surprised to see this naked man (not the same one from this morning) wearing only tennis shoes (they may have been Michael Jordan’s’) and a idiotic smile on his face, running through and around the office area, generally was frightening the younger women, then he made the mistake of bouncing up to me.

Ahhh sweet things I can be soooo evil; he stopped in front of me, I suspect thinking that I would blush or scream, but instead I slowly looked him up and down, pointed to his shriveled magic wanger and said “Is that all you’ve got? That IS pitiful.” And laughed.

It was enough to stop him so that Security captured and handcuffed him; I never saw such a deflated look on a persons face. After Security marched him away, to be arrested by the Police, Dan came up to me and said “Remind me to never get on your bad side.” (Purrr)

One staffer asked if they had started the “Bay to Breakers” run, I could only shake my head thinking that ‘Spring Fever’ has started early in S.F., Yoshi told me that she was thankful that she seldom goes to see the Bay to Breakers Run, at first she enjoyed it for the clever costumes, and interesting floats, but after seeing 3 naked, overly fat men running who were in serious need of a Richard Simmons intervention, that was enough to give her nightmares for weeks and swear off French fries. Poor Yoshi. (mew)

BART was running slow, there were some problems on one of the track lines, I overhead that there had been a shooting or a stabbing at one of the stations, this evening I found out it was both at two different stations.

When I finally got home, the sky was turning its wonderful Maxfield Parrish Blue with pink and gold at the edge of the skyline, but it was still too bright to see any stars, I heard that more rain was on the way, but at least we had a chance to dry out a little. (purrrr)

I just set my things down when I heard a noise just outside my door, opening it I discovered my elderly neighbor Lillian had dropped one of her shopping bags, fortunately it only contained can goods, so I helped her get her things into her home and told her to sit down while I put things away for her.

Poor sweet thing, she’s going to be 92 this Thanksgiving, and she does have an interesting story to tell, having lived a very interesting and unconventional life, she lives alone, is still active and can still play 9 rounds of golf.

She invited me to dinner and we had a lot of laughs as she told me about the things she did in her life and I told her about what happened today. Ooohhhh sweet things I just love her zest for life, her overwhelming desire to learn new things, her mind just as sharp as ever.

The one thing that does trouble her is that her eyesight is slowly deteriorating, she sees well enough during the day to drive, but once it gets dark it’s impossible for her to drive, I said that if there was some place she had to go to in the evening I’d be happy to take her. I felt that she shouldn’t feel trapped in her own home. Not that she is without family, she does have children, grandchildren even great grandchildren but they all live out of town.

I really like Lillian, I said that if she wanted me to, I could check on her, if she liked, and if there was any emergency I could contact her family. I could see that my suggestion brought a look of relief on her face, she admitted to me that it was one thing that worried her, she had out-lived most of her friends, but to know there was someone close by made her feel much better, so we made arrangements. I also knew that once baby sis moved in with me that we would be able to keep an eye on Lillian even better. I knew baby sis would like her as much I do.

So now I finish my blog, and look out my window to the lights of the City by the Bay, and think upon all the characters that make up the City; about Mr. “they’re staring at me” and “the naked runner”, Millie the 85 year old woman who takes Polaroid pictures of people, the twins so identical to wearing the same outfits, the Bush man, Tommy the escape artist who escapes out of chains at the cable car turn table at fisherman’s wharf, the old man who rides the cable car playing “Camp town Ladies” on his harmonica while his dog ‘sings’, the elderly lady whose dog carries her purse (her dog is a Rotwiler ), Judy the Hooker who wears hot pink Daisy Dukes’ even though she’s 70 years old, and so many more, each one who does something to be distinctive in a gray city, to break out of the drabness of the world.

Each has their own niche, painted upon the psychic canvas of the City, some to be remembered for a long, long time, some who will become distant faded memories, but all not quite forgotten as long as there is at least one person to remember them.

And now my sweet, yummy things, to bed, to sleep, perchance to dream, sweet dreams to all of you.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Your Opinion~~~~

Mmmmmm your opinion my sweet, yummy things, what images does it conjure up for you?

Personally I like it. (Purrrrr)

Sunday, February 15, 2009

More about family~~~

Once again my sweet things, I’m sitting at my computer, having had a busy, freezing afternoon of taking care of things, such a cold, wet, gray day that I find myself looking forward to the sunshine.

But if there is one thing that cold, rainy evenings do is to bring out the sense of contemplation within me. Someone once said that four dry logs have all the elements of creating 3 to 4 hours of conversation, I may not be getting the quote correct, I’m going to have to look it up. For me I have candles and the warm flame they produce along with the sounds of rain and wind, they have me “talking.”

The wind and rain is splashing against my window next to me, creating rivulets of water down the glass, the lights of San Francisco like watery diamonds. Where I am now reminds me of the window in my bedroom where I could look out onto the street of my Father’s house, I’d set up my chair and table to do my homework when I couldn’t go to the library; on rainy days with what free time I had, I’d look out to watch anything and everything. I’ve never lost that habit, now I have a window the looks across the bay to S.F. and I can see everything passing by, but this time I know I can come and go anytime I want.

I’m going back down that dark path, with my candle to remove the shadows to tell you about my Father’s church that figured into my early life, but on reflection I can’t really call it a church, as least not in the proper sense of the word.

I had the dubious advantage of my Father and Grandfather being ‘officers’ of this church and somehow Father became the ‘church historian’ and even now keeps several file cabinets of the church documents in the garage away from cold and damp. When I was a teenager and having access to this information I was able to get an idea of how this abomination of religious belief got started.

I discovered that the person who created it was never ordained by any recognized ministry nor received any training by any legitimate school of theology, his father was a traveling itinerant Pentecostal preacher from back east, who preached to fundamentalist people in the backwoods areas. So the founder received his training from his father.

Then in the 1950’s when the Universal church started ‘ordaining’ people by mail (and still does only over the Internet), for free, but you need to buy the certificate for a small fee, the man put in for his paperwork and founded his ‘church’ and create his ministry to meet the needs of the small group of followers that thought the way he did. Warped and sick in their mind and filled with hate and rage at their own impotence at the changes in the world and in the beginning at ‘godless communism’. It was not a problem to recruit more followers in the early years and especially during the “Summer of Love” period; it was their reaction to the “Woodstock” generation and their expression of ‘free love’.

I discovered copies of the sermons that were preached each Sunday, the original drafts and then the copies transcribed into print format for when the ‘minister’ was ‘consumed’ by the power of the Lord (or improvising). Someone knew short hand and took it down during the early days then later they purchased a tape recorder to record the sermons and then transcribe it.

It is a fundamentalist form of church, but not Southern Baptist fundamentalist, nor Jehovah Witness, 7th Day Adventist or a splinter group of Mormon, although I would run as far as I could from those.

Sorry sweet things, if you are a member of any of those groups I do apologize, but their beliefs are not mine and their insistence of ‘cramming their belief’s’ down one’s throat until you believe is not my idea of religion.

The ‘church’ was first started in one of the members homes then eventually when the congregation grew, was like a number of other store front churches that one sees cropping up, in which the congregation is just that church, but not part of any wider group.

Eventually they got a place of their own, when one of their late parishioners died and left them their house with the intention of it being designated as a church for tax purposes, I discovered the news clippings about this, it seems that the children of the woman who died were attempting to contest the will saying that their mother had been coerced into signing over her home when she was very ill. But since there was no one who witnessed the ‘alleged’ coercion the church won.

The building is an expanded one level house with all the interior walls knocked out, the bathroom remodeled by removing the bath tub, but the kitchen was kept for the various pot luck dinners. I remember on Saturdays Father would go there to help with the remodeling and Mother and I had to go to take some sort of pot-luck dinner item and dine with the other members.

How do I describe them? A band of frightened people who feel that their twisted beliefs are being attacked by what they perceive as the godless liberalism as promoted by the Democratic Party and even by some Republicans.

They have a literal belief in the reading of the Bible, they say that the Jesus in the New Testament was only a preacher and not the messiah of salvation, so they take their teachings mostly from the old testament, but that some of the events that happened to Jesus they will refer to on occasion, to demonstrated the power of faith in the will of god.

They do not believe that Jesus was resurrected as described in the New Testament, but was a plot by the apostles and later perpetuated by Paul to create a separate belief and that the message was watered down, they refuse to have a messiah that is meek and mild, but prefer one that welds the fiery sword of the righteous. They forgot that Jesus chased the money lenders and all that 'commercialism' out of the temple.

They are in their own way prejudice, racist, insular, that any expression of beauty is outside the norms of their own thinking---to them the world is gray, that this earth and civilization we live in is hell and the only beauty can be found in the glory of heaven that we are unworthy to attain. We are meant to suffer the cold and heat, that modern things such as air conditioning and central heating were not used by the elder prophets and therefore should not be used even if it bring a measure of comfort to anyone, we are not meant to be comfortable.

Medicine is to be viewed with suspicion and only used if it is the only course of treatment, if you have a headache you must suffer with it, it is the punishment of the Lord for some sin. Toothaches were the worse, and that suffering under the dentist’s drill meant that you had done something wrong.

I remember when I would have a headache Mother would give me a tea to drink, it was sweetened but had a bitter aftertaste, what I didn’t know is that Mother had purchased a small bottle of aspirin and would crush the tablets up into a powder and stir it into the tea, it was the only way of getting it past Father.

Women to them are the temptation of Eve, and are to be modest and obedient to their Fathers and husbands. There is no such thing as adornment for the body, the home or the church. And strangely enough they would use on occasion the teachings of Paul to help emphasize this point---although I think Paul was either afraid of women or a closet homosexual.

It was easy for them to accept the Korean War, and the Vietnam War, it was god's way of destroying the godless heathens. When 9/11 happened baby sis, just a child then, called me and said that the entire congregation had gone crazy and were holding up in the church because they thought the world was coming to an end.

The only reason she could get a hold of me is that she somehow persuaded Father to let her return to the house to get more provisions from the refrigerator and pantry and more blankets. She “borrowed” a shopping cart from a store and walked home and back with those provision for their “end of the world, and from home she called me to warn me and to hear my voice. Brave baby sis. Of course a month later Father punished her for the long distance call, but she told me she didn’t care, if it was the end of the world she wanted to talk to me one last time.

I remember that day, in a way the world did come to an end, the world that we felt we were so safe, it was our “Pearl Harbor” and our wake up call.

Mother was originally brought up Catholic, and I must confess even with all the legal, political and financial problems the Catholic church faces, with all the so-called edicts handed down by the various Popes, when she took me to the Catholic church those many years ago when Father was out of town, I felt my heart open up to a warmth that I thought didn’t exist. I am not saying that the Catholic Church is perfect, no church is, but it was one of many doors or gateways if you will, that helped me along my path to my freedom.

When I finally had established myself away from the influence of my Father, there were times when I would return just to see how Mother and baby sis were doing, and I could walk into his church without any fear of being sucked back in just to be accepted or struck down by the god that they believed in. I was and still am proud to be the “Jezebel” that they think I am.

This last Christmas I felt a certain ‘evil, perverse’ pleasure going into Father’s church, my face adorned with ‘paint’, my hair falling in styled waves behind my neck and down my back, a stylish hat with feathers on my head, gold jewelry (not too much), high heels to make me even taller, a smart well cut suit in suitable deep royal electric blue, and wearing Gurlian’s ‘Insolence’ perfume.

The looks of displeasure from the shrinking congregation’s older members, and the looks of astonishment from the few younger ones as I, "the whore of Babylon" sat among them, it made me very, very happy.

For the sake of privacy for them and for my family I will not mention the town or the name of this church. I can tell you that it’s in one of those towns in Southern California; I know, why should I protect them?

Only because with each passing year their congregation is growing smaller and smaller, and the son of the original founder is having a hard time attracting new followers, as a matter of fact it was my late Grandfather’s job to go to other fundamentalists churches as a guest speaker not only to speak but to recruit new members and persuade them to move to our town and join the church, he managed to gain a few, and until the last 6 months of his life he was still active in recruiting. But unless someone comes in and revitalizes it then it will slowly die its own natural death.

And from what I saw this last Christmas, it is dying.

There is more to this than what I’ve already told you; there was an incident that I instigated to shake things up in church that day, and a aftermath; I did it deliberately for I had had enough.

I need to clear my thoughts and find a letter that baby sis sent me, she is now the transcriber for the church and had to transcribe that days’ sermon and professed ‘sins’ but was told to excise out the incident from the tape recording of the service, but she saved it for me and has it in her hidden diary, she said in her letter that it has only strengthened her decision to leave, and she’s not having much trouble of keeping “geek-boy wanna-be boyfriend” at arm’s length. Good for you baby sis.

There is a sharp chill in the air tonight, brought by the rain, I’m hoping it will help the drought situation; I’ve lit a few candles here and there to get a sense of warmth, drinking hot chocolate to warm the chill inside of me. No, no Merlot tonight.

There have been waves and waves of rain and snow down to 3 thousand feet, we desperately need it here. Earlier this month the groundhog saw his shadow so there will be 6 more weeks of winter, then why do I see the beginning of flower buds on some of the trees that are planted nearby, small sparrows are seeking food and the scrub jays have been making their squawking sounds. It heralds something new and wonderful (Merowl)

I’m looking forward to it, this coming resurrection of the earth and all its beauty (Purrrr)

I turn my head and look out at the diamond lights of San Francisco, and it just happens that Shirley Bassy's song is playing on the radio~~~

Diamonds are forever,
They are all I need to please me,
They can stimulate and tease me,
They won't leave in the night,
I've no fear that they might desert me.

Diamonds are forever,
Hold one up and then caress it,
Touch it, stroke it and undress it,
I can see every part,
Nothing hides in the heart to hurt me.

Diamonds are forever, forever, forever

Sweet dreams my sweet yummy things.

Valentine's Day and Gun Shows~~~

Hello sweet things, Valentine’s Day had dawned cold, crisp and with a wet afterglow from the heavy storms that swept though the night before, washing the air clean, there was even a smattering of snow in the Santa Cruz Mountains just south of here which made for a very cold night.

Friday night was a very nice and relaxing evening, Yoshi and I having dinner at the Silver Dragon and laughing over the situation that had happened at work the day before, so luscious and ludicrous as one of our team members was in ‘a pickle’. “Dan” (not his real name) discovered a problem in a deal that was being worked on and if it was not resolved by Friday it would result having a few heads on the chopping block. And Dan discovered it late Thursday afternoon, he worked on it but all the information did not seem to ‘jell’ so he asked me to help and bring a fresh eye into it, Yoshi joined us as she had expertise in this field.

So here we are and all the information was coming together, then Dan started to grab his coat with the words “I need to go”, I stood up, blocking his way with hands on hips and said “Go where?” it seems that his in-laws were coming over for dinner and he had to be there. I told him that was not going to happen.

I don’t like making threats but I did, in which it could have jeopardized his job. You see my sweet yummy things one does not have to throw knives or toss people over their shoulder like Ziva on NCIS or even do a good judo kick like Emma Peel of “The Avengers” (think Diana Rigg in her younger days), to be able to “drop kick” a person.

Dan called me a name and I said “Yes, I am a Babe In Total Control of Herself” Just take the first capitalized letters and you’ll know what I mean. Then I called his wife and explained the situation to her, she was not pleased but since I’m senior to Dan I knew I could pull rank on him. I turned the phone over to Dan for him to give his apologies and with Yoshi in the background yelling for Dan to come here she found another error (Yoshi knows how to play this game very well Mmmmmm) Dan had to say “I’m sorry” and hang up grumbling.

What Dan didn’t know after he went back to his desk is I followed up with another call to a 24 hour service to send a bouquet of red roses and a box of expensive candies and champagne (they are very full service) to his house to his wife with a note from Dan with love and apologies. She received it that evening.

When we were ready to leave work I told Dan to ask his wife when he got home, if she received her gifts as an apology for disappointing her and did she like them, he looked at me blankly and I said to him “Go with the flow, kiss and hug her and be very apologetic and loving, and for Valentines day take her to a jewelry store and buy her some diamond ear studs. You can afford it.”

Oooooh sweet things the look on his face was just priceless, Mmmmm just soooo yummy.

By this time we had found the problem and we knew that we had to present it the next day to “Fearless Leader” but by uncovering it we prevented a very bad investment situation and although “Fearless Leader” would not be happy it was a far better situation than what could have happened if it had been overlooked.

So on Friday with our findings in hand, “Fearless Leader” looked it over and knowing that it was not good news it was better than bad news and he in turned presented it to our “Head Honcho”. Word came back that the “Head Honcho” was very pleased with our findings and new analysis, and our personal stock went up. Dan also thanked me for sending the gifts to his wife, she was very romantic when he came home, when he told his wife about taking her to a jewelry store to select a special gift, (and saying this in front of his in-laws) his mother-in-law (whom he can barely stand) said that it was the sweetest thing ever done, and that maybe her daughter did find a good husband after all. Poor Dan, he really can’t stand his mother-in-law, but he can deal with them.

Yoshi and I had a good laugh over it at dinner. She said she also felt better that her husband was coming home from his two week visit to his elderly parents in Taiwan, on Sunday, so their Valentine’s day was going to be late but at least he’ll be home, unfortunately those are those family things that has to be dealt with and she was as worried as her husband about his parents, the only good thing is that his younger brother lives with them and would not leave them.

She told me her husband was looking into arrangements to have his parents and brother brought over here on a compassionate type of visa. She didn’t know all the legal ins and outs but they have a lawyer working on it and so far it was looking good, and they thought the best way was to bring them over on board a ship, less stress on them and better for them to ship as much of their belongings over. Her Mother was going to help them with housing, so with hugs and well wishes I dropped her off at her house and came home.

On Valentine’s Day, having grabbed a coffee from one of the ubiquitous Starbuck’s shops, I drove the 30 miles or so to the Vallejo fair grounds to the Gun Show. There was a brisk breeze in the air, and I could see the storm clouds moving and bunching up like invisible cowboys were herding them. As I was going over the flyway to connect to 880 I had the only patch of sunshine following me; to the east were dark clouds moving away over the Bay Area Hills and into the coastal valley, I could see over S.F. were more coming and coming quickly, I knew that the possibility of rain might happen on the way but fortunately the rain held off until later.

I arrived just after 10 a.m. to the Fair Grounds, and looking across at the 6 Flags Discovery Park I could see that the rides, usually packed with screaming teens and adults, were shut down and the park closed, in this weather all the rides would be dangerous to be on, I briefly thought of Santa Cruz and imagined that it might be the same situation.

Pulling into the parking lot, I paid my parking fee to a freezing woman, who had two coats on to keep warm, I felt sorry for her just knowing that she was in jeopardy of catching a cold. I drove on towards the main building, the mud and gravel lot was pocked marked with mud puddles, it was impossible to prevent mud from splashing up on the car, ‘Oh, well’ I thought, ‘a quick hose down if possible, then detailing when we have dry weather.’

As I walked to the ticket booth I saw that the NRA stand was doing a very brisk business of signing up new members, despite the cold weather. One volunteer member said that the signups were more than the last time they were here and it’s happening all over. A lot of gun owners don’t trust Obama’s administration, and I don’t blame them.

I could not believe it, the hall was jam packed to almost over-flowing, this was not just men looking over guns, it was women of all ages with a number of elderly ones using the four wheel walkers, there were a few men and women using wheel chairs, some powered, some not, and whole families, more than once I saw Fathers carrying babies in their arms with their wives along side, looking over a handgun or rifle while the seller was extolling the virtues of it and answering questions, more than once I’d hear the wife asking a question.

I had never seen this many people before, and I was wondering what it would be like at the Gun Show at the Cow Palace in S.F. I had read that at the last Cow Palace Gun Show the NRA had record sign ups, was this a continuing trend?

There were two companies selling gun safes from the smallest to one of the hugest I’d ever seen, more than 7 feet wide, I smiled as I saw a little girl sit inside one and say “This is a good one Daddy, it’s big” and Mommy standing by with a baby in one of those baby kangaroo carry pouches, reading the brochure.

At another booth there were calendars being sold by one of the “Girls of Guns” magazine, she was signing her picture on the calendar to buyers. A DVD was playing on a continuous loop showing the pictures and advertising the magazine, you could also sign up for a subscription. One woman bought one and gave it to her husband and said “Happy Valentine’s Day, Honey” Mmmmm I have to say considering the poses, guns do sell.

There were books, antique guns, modern handguns, rifles, scopes, ammo, knives, tasers (yes, personal tasers), military collectibles, jewelry both gold and native american, old west items, saddles, scabbards, holsters, ammo vests, flack vests ( I have no idea where they got those), conceal carry purses for women, conceal carry organizers for men, leather vests, members from SASS (Single Action Shooting Society) encouraging people to join the sport of Cowboy Action Shooting, every known type of concealed weapon from small knives in lipstick tubes to pepper spray in what passes for a purse size perfume spray bottle, books and videos on guns and gun safety, taking care of your gun or rifle, even a two volume set called “The Poor Man’s James Bond” or “everything you wanted to know to blow up your nasty neighbor” and many more; things seemed to overwhelm me, I had never had that type of experience before, and again I was sensing that this was the wave of the future.

Oh sweet things, business was very, very brisk, even the concession stands were selling hot clam chowder soup with biscuits, and chili with corn bread, hot coffee and tea, and hot chocolate, forget the hot dogs and nachos with cheese and soft drinks, although available, it was the hot soup and chili that were the biggest hits, it was so cold outside.

The hall at the fair grounds is old, left over from the 1950’s and never is the temperature right, either too hot in summer or too cold in winter and the heaters were struggling, but it wasn’t too bad with all the people that were there. The women’s bathroom as always immaculate but old, and as you pass the door to the men’s, well lets say that when you go past there is always a smell that has never gone away.

There were people there taking tests for their gun safely cards so they could purchase a gun, women watching video’s showing women how to shoot a gun safely, many of them asking questions as to where they can get training. Many asking where they can get a conceal carry permit.
If the politico’s really want to get a pulse on society they should come to one of these shows in the morning and see what society is really all about sweet things. It would be a real eye opener, and these were not red necks, or rabid gun owners, many were professional people, as well as your average working American, seeking to protect themselves and keep their 2nd amendment rights. And what I was surprised to see is that there was hardly an African-American face in the crowd maybe one or two at the most, a number of Hispanic with their wives and family, a few Asian, but mostly predominantly white.

I decided when I go to the Cow Palace show to take a mental inventory of the people who attend that one, and see if the location affects the demographics.

There were people coming in from the parking lot bringing in guns to sell to any interested private parties or to dealers, and outside the gun show room were people looking to see what was coming in, I saw several times men stopping people who were carrying in their guns to sell and asking questions about them, then they would go into the show room and over into one corner to discuss the deal and then approach a licensed dealer to complete the sale transfer.

I was also overhearing some of them complaining about the increase in price on the so-called assault weapons, far beyond their worth.

The Sheriff’s department was a presence there to lock the guns coming in for private sale, patrol the room, the outside area and parking lot and sign off on those items that were antique or collectibles that didn’t need a transfer. They also over saw the area set aside to conduct private sales, and check off on the transfer situation.

There were dealers from Nevada, Mokulume Hill, Stockton, Sacramento, San Diego, Jamestown, Oregon, and places I’d never heard of.

I had the happy pleasure of running into my date for the evening, a friend of mine Joe, from the San Francisco police department, he was happy to see me and we confirmed our meeting that evening for dinner and entertainment. He said that a number of off-duty officers from different police departments were there buying guns, equipment, ammo; it was amusing seeing cases of ammo being hauled off by the cart load.

Joe and I had a cup of coffee at the concession stand and talked about what we were seeing, he told me that quite a number of police officers do not like who Obama has picked for Attorney General and are going to be doing a letter writing campaign voicing their objections and possibly seeing about having him removed. I wished him well on that, but said it would be best for the police union to work with the NRA and throw their weight in with them. He said he was going to bring it up at the next union meeting.

We talked about the BART shooting, he informed me that it was rumored that Meserliegh had gone through police training but had low grades and therefore didn’t qualify for the S.F. police dept. so he went to BART that was in need of officers.

He felt that it was an accident, that not all the cell phone videos that showed the incident had been posted on YouTube, there were others that clearly showed that Oscar Grant was struggling and attempted to kick the other officer. Joe said that it appeared that Grant was on the road to being a career criminal. But what Messerleigh did was a huge mistake, based on insufficient training. That sweet things, was my opinion as well, but only with everything being brought out in a trial will we know the full story. But there is also a question of what the Oscar Grant team will try to suppress.

My friend said to me “Why is it, that when a white person is shot, everyone is sorry and that there will be an investigation, but when a black or Hispanic person is shot, not only is their going to be an investigation but people yell that the police are to blame, that person was a good guy (not) and the police officers involved should be arrested and brought to trial and everything associated with that. And that people either will demonstrate or hold candle light vigils for the criminals but not for a dead police officer”

I looked at my friend and said “It is because people think that all police are corrupt, that the government is corrupt and that they are working hand in hand with “The Man’” (who every he may be, possibly a hold over shadow from their slave days)

We both knew that in any police force there are good cops and bad cops and the bad cops make the ones who put themselves in harms way, look bad as well. He said “It’s going to come down to the people, one day the cops are not going to help them, it’s happening in Oakland already, there are areas that the Oakland cops won’t go into because of snipers in abandoned apartment buildings and they can’t do anything to get rid of them, because of absentee owners, and the people in the neighborhoods won’t help. If they get a call to go into that area they won’t go, because the calls are 90% false, but that 10% that needs help, they won’t go because of what that community has created because they think we work hand in hand with ‘The Man’.”

He was right, Mayor Dellums won’t do anything or get anything activated to do that, maybe because Dellums is trying to prove that he’s not an “Oreo cookie”. But he is also one of the most ineffectual Mayors since Jerry Brown or what some people refer to as ex-governor Moonbeam.

And I was seeing the results right there at the Gun Show, people taking “the law” as far as they can legally go to protect themselves. Hmmmm and you know what my sweet luscious things? I found myself 100% behind them. (Growl)

He continued “On top of that we have city attorneys, mayors and overly PC city council members that won’t do anything to help eradicate this problem, the Oakland city attorney won’t even investigate or charge a criminal if he assaults a police officer; buying guns back doesn’t do it, it never fails people bring in junk guns, too busted up to have ever worked properly, out of the hundreds of guns that have been brought in from the buy back program we may have 20 in good working condition or the wives of the late owners had no idea how to get rid of them.

And those guns are run though to see if they were ever used in a crime, those that are, are set aside for evidence, those that weren’t, they go out for bid among the officers, not that there are many of them, they’re not but I’ve seen some antiques and collectibles, and those are sold at auction and the money goes into the police retirement fund or those funds to pay for the education of the children of officers killed in action. The good that comes out is small because the program is being taken for a ride---no thanks to soon to be ex-Senator Don Perata.”

I groaned when I heard that name, Don Perata, now up for investigation, for years he’d been given a conceal/carry permit but the last time he didn’t pass the exam, he demanded to have the permit anyway, but that Sheriff stood his ground, so Perata went the other way and became anti-gun---such a child! (Snarl) He’s done more to hurt the police service and legal gun ownership than help.

Then for his own personal use vehicle he is given a red Dodge Charger (his request) with fancy rims and later is in a known criminal area (Hmmmm I wonder why?) and gets car-jacked, by the same man who later attempted to hold up a gas station and shoots a young boy who was taking a piano lesson in a near by school; the bullet (a cop-killer type) goes though the paper thin walls, hits the boy and paralyzes the child (the child is making a recovery and a fund has been set up to off-set his medical and therapy fees). The criminal was caught (by the way he was African-American, the boy Hispanic)

Of course people are screaming to hang the criminal because of the boy, but they are also screaming why is Perata driving such a fancy car in a high crime neighborhood?

Joe pointed out to me several dealers that had bins of junk guns at $10.00 a ‘pop’, “Now”, he says “They are legally selling them for either parts or displays, nothing wrong with that, but some people will by 5 or 10 of them at a time, hold on to them and wait for the next ‘buy-back’ program and make a 1000% profit, but what burns me is being in the program and seeing some guys that you know are dopers getting the money to buy drugs that are being sold on the next block, I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it and what burns me more is I know I can’t do anything about it, because there maybe undercover cops waiting to catch the ‘Big Fish’.”

Ooooh sweet things, he was right, but the only way to avoid that is instead of money, give them vouchers to only receive groceries and not for beer or snack food, but healthy food, and make them non-transferable. The ‘buy-back’ program is a joke.

We continued to walk through the show and I looooved looking at what was offered, the original Colt 1911’s in good condition was going for anywhere between 2,000 to 3,000 dollars! Now that opened my eyes.

I did come across a wonderful hammerless Smith and Wesson, but it was in the process of being sold to another person, but with their permission I looked it over and asked questions about it, and took the business card of the dealer, he promised to e-mail me when he had another in stock, he even asked if I posed for the “Girls with Guns” calendar, I had to say no, and the buyer asked “Why Not?” I only laughed and thought “Yes, why not?” and thanked them for the compliment, even Joe was laughing, he said he could see me ‘crooning’ over a .357 magnum with a Harry Callahan look-a-like, I said “Why not have the real thing, get Clint Eastwood involved, fix up his hair, and have the profits of the calendar sales go to some police charity.”

Mmmmmm sweet things I had the pleasure of seeing his eyes light up---why not Chuck Norris of Walker Texas Ranger fame, Eddie Murphy of “48 Hours”, That lovely lady who plays Calli Ducane on CSI Miami, the actors from NCIS, or Criminal Minds, with that he kissed me right in the middle of the show room, and everyone cheered, but it was for giving him a wonderful idea for fund raising.

Hmmmm my Valentine’s present to him. It was getting late in the day, and I wanted to change into sometime different for our get together tonight, but I found myself a bit hungery and I knew we wouldn’t be eating until late so we drove in our own cars, back along Fairground Parkway to that guaranteed road side restaurant Denny’s, and had our “Grand Slam” breakfasts. I always know that unless there was something wrong in the kitchen that there are no surprises at Denny’s. And I knew I’d have to work it off at the gym the next day.

We made our final arrangements for that evening and drove away. Now sweet things about the evening, well I can tell you that at Georgi’s the food was good, the Music just wonderful and the comic very, very funny. We had met in our own separate cars, because he didn’t know if he was going to be called on duty, some bug was going around, we passed up the alcohol, after all we were driving.

As we were leaving he thanked me for helping him get pass Valentine’s Day, he lost his wife to cancer 6 months before, she was a good friend from my college days, like Yoshi and I liked whom she had chosen for a husband, a good man, and he was still in love with her, so he has buried himself in his work, no children, but nieces and nephews. I told him he needed to get back into the saddle, his wife would not want him mourning forever, he knew what I meant, but a cop’s life is not easy and a woman married to a cop has a tremendous amount of worry and fear, it takes a special woman for that he said, and his wife was one in a million. I could only agree, thinking on our friendship and how she helped me get settled up here, and with that we parted feeling good and a little sad but better for it.

Now this Sunday morning has dawned gray and overcast, rains had poured in during the night, the air freezing, it’s even taking longer for my home to heat up, I worked out at the gym early this morning, and then inspired, have written this up.

For me writing my postings is more not so much of being inspired but having the time, being busy with work, commitments and friends and it’s not an easy thing, I admire those early writers who kept journals or diaries, now with Blogspot, My Space, Face Book, You Tube you find tons of desperate people living desperate lives, but I think among all of that you also find those that share the same thinking process, the same feelings, up and downs and all the vicissitudes of life and it makes you feel less alone.

Many people have busy active lives, and there are those who by accident, personality, or nature’s design live cut off from being able to interact with other people, but with those outlets hopefully my sweet, yummy things, it lessens their loneliness, and makes them hopeful or be a leaning experience and gives them courage to go out and do and be a part of life, to seek help or just hang in there until the weather improves, and prevents them from being depressed.

I’ve found I’m having fun, by learning how to add things to my Blog, eventually I will be able to post pictures of my surroundings so you can have a better idea of what I’m seeing, even links to places I’ve been, oh it won’t happen all the time but enough, I guess I’m going to have to invest in a digital camera to make it easier. Just like that sweet little 4 ½ year old girl who takes a picture of her fish ‘Dorothy’ and sends it to her parents. So simple a child can do it. (purr) Yes my sweet things I’m laughing at the idea.

And yes my sweet things I’m sharing my experiences with you, so that some day you too will be able to get out there and enjoy and live life with a zest and gusto that you feel may have been denied to you as it was denied to me for so long, and I’m making up for time.

Ooooh this post is long, so I will end for now, I think later this evening I will finally write up about the repressive church that so adversely affected me, I can go down that dark path now and bring up that memory.

But for now, even with the chilly rains I have to do things, I may have tomorrow off but knowing my work, I may be called in. (Merowl) Such is life my darlings, such is life but my sweet, luscious, yummy things, enjoy it!!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day~~~

Mmmmmm to all you sweet luscious, yummy things~~~~

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and although it's going to be cold and very rainy I've got my day planned out. First I'm going to a Gun Show and see what wonderful delights catch my eye. You never can tell what one might find (Merowl).

Then in the evening a dear, sweet friend of mine is treating me to dinner at a wonderful little spot we know that has the most wonderful music from the 30's and 40's excellent singer and musicians and they are going to have a comedian that I've enjoyed in the past. (purrr)
And it's going to be a wonderfully long weekend, but I don't feel like traveling anywhere, an excellent time to catch up on things. Hmmmm?

I've been having some fun reading the newspapers, but it's much of the same news, are they any closer to voting either at the State Capital or in Washington? No. The politicians are dragging their knuckles in the dirt as usual and 10's of thousands of people suffer from their "pig-headedness".

Does "Da Arnold" think he can whip the State congress into passing a budget by laying off 0ver ten thousand state employees? That won't matter to the politicians, they could care less, but the one's who get hurt are the rank and file. (Snarl)

I can guarantee that many of them will be voted out of office and don't count on "Da Arnold" getting voted back in.

And S.F. Mayor Gavin Newsom, "testing the waters" to see about running for Governor of our bankrupt state? He can't even run San Francisco. He caved into the Unions when they demanded raises, huge raises, and he gave them the money knowing that it would put the city into serious financial trouble, much like Mayor Dellums of Oakland, he who really has the office run by his virago of a wife. (Growl)

And then wimp Mayor Newsom asks for the money back, sorry Gavi-boy not if you got down on your knees and shaved your hair off. And he wants to run for Governor? If it wasn't for the fact that I have an excellent job and good friends I'd move to Deadwood, South Dakota. Hmmmmm maybe sweet things I just might in the future.

In the mean time my friend Yoshi and I are going to treat ourselves to our favorite Chinese Restaurant to celebrate a happy completion to a worrisome situation.

And to you sweet, luscious, yummy things Many Kisses to you for Valentines Day.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

A Quick Note~~~~~

Well sweet things,

We were suppose to have a meeting at 9:30 this cold, gray, wet morning, so I "cleared the decks" to set aside that time and what happens is that "Fearless Leader" (more of a 'whim leader' but he's o.k. (meuw)) postpones to an hour later, (snarl) I just hate things like that but given the work situation we must "flow with the tide" and be ready for whirlpools.

So having made a few quick calls to confirm other things, I find myself with a little time on my hands. (Purr)

So I'm playing "kitten on the keys" (as the 'tigress' plays with the ball of string) and making a few adjustments and additions to my blog.

I've added a few newspaper web sites, although in my opinion I think that most of the journalists in these weeklies are just blowing in the wind and enjoy the sound of their own 'voice', it's difficult to come across good hard news, you always sense that the reporters have been told to foment strife, to stir up things it makes for sales. Can I possibly come across unbiased reporting?

I'm going to put those news web links at the top of my "Links I like" list so that it's easy to find. And there will be more to add as 'time goes by.'

But there is one reporters' site that I'm placing at the top of this list, because I feel he has the real 'pulse' of the people. Yes we are all tired by what is now happening and we are all disgusted with what is not happening, so Sort of San Francisco Fan Club by dear sweet thing Fram, is at the top of my list. (Meerowl Purrrr)

I've also included his Blog as well as Mean Kitty's.

I've also noticed a little change in tone and direction in my "blog" but that is suppose to happen, as the winds and things take me.

Must go 'Fearless Leader' is now ready for the meeting----he was a little over long meeting with his assistant Hmmmm. I wonder why? Am I being 'catty'? Why not?

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

One last thought before bed~~~

To Fram~~~

Before I fall asleep.

Yes I do want you to be on here, that is why I’ve added that “gadget” I have a few who do follow this blog, some ask not to post their comments, and some I felt were too “private” or immoderate in their comments, and some like Mean Kitty are just right there.

If you look you will see that I have added a link to your blog (yes an ugly word) so others can find it. I enjoy your thoughts.

I’ve been reading your postings, your thoughts, there are other ways of being cut off from the world than by nature, but I think nature does it because “she’ has to, it doesn’t make it any less acceptable, but that is when it is good to think re-group, and re-asses things.

The half time silliness of the Super Bowl? I thank the powers above that I always deliberately miss it. I think it was George Carlin who said (and I’m paraphrasing) that football was an act of war, the act of stealing land, something that we (I believe he meant the government and robber barons) are ‘pretty good at’. And I would never attempt word games with that man, even a Contessa knows her match.

Drive 250 miles to a gun show? I would do that in a heart beat, damn the gasoline costs, no one but no one denies me my right to use, pack, shoot, and own a gun, not by rising costs, distance or idiotic legislature. (Snarl)

I like what Charlton Heston said, although a bit melodramatic, “From My Cold Dead Hand.”

Hmmmmm riding a ship over moonlit waves, do you know ships are always referred to as “she”? I’m sure you do. I love the description Mmmmmmm I can picture it.

I too sometimes feel the need to up and leave, go someplace else, but until I find another place that has that ‘special feel’ that San Francisco does, I shall stay here as home.

Now back to bed and sleep to unravel the cares of the day, Sweet dreams you luscious, yummy, sweet thing. (puuurrrrrr)

Monday, February 9, 2009

Catching up with life and other things~~~

Ohhh sweet things I’ve been talking so much about family, dysfunctional one at that that I’ve neglected to give my thoughts and assessments about things in my area of the world. (Pitiful Meeu) Sorry sweet things,

I had the most enjoyable weekend, early in the evening I traveled by BART (yes sweet things, the infamous BART) to San Francisco for their Chinese New Years Parade, one of my co-workers has a friend who is a Lion Dancer, had to cheer them on.

It was cold but there was so many people bunched together that it cut the chill down, as parades go, its nothing like the Rose Parade, or Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade that signals the Xmas shopping season with the arrival of Mr. Claus himself (or his clone) to encourage people to buy.

It’s a quaint, community affair, even in old China town you will hear fire cracker’s exploding, and see Lion dancers who come to chase away the evil spirits and bring in good luck, the parade ended with the dragon wending its way down the street in a complicated serpentine pattern follow a red and gold ball, then the finale, a float of fireworks, that leaped up into the chilly night sky with loud bangs and booms, followed by the quick snapping and cracking of smaller firecrackers making their final statement to the gods of good fortune.

My friend Yoshi and I turned to walk back to China Town as the crowd dispersed, as we walked a young person passed us quickly pushing into our hands red envelopes, quickly moving off calling out “Gun Hey Fat Choy” as he quickly trotted down the street, we saw him do it to several other people as well.

Yoshi said “don’t open it here, let’s get to my Mother’s house”, then she whispered into my ear “It might have dope” Ohhhhh Growl, just what I didn’t need, a criminal record to start the new year.

It was very crowded getting back to her Mother's home, We finally arrived and I gave to Yoshi’s Grandmother a box of Miss Sees’ candies, all chocolate covered cherries, which I knew she was very fond of, she watched the parade on Television and we told her what it was like on the street.

In our efforts to get home we had forgotten about the red envelopes, until I happened to go into my pocket and pulled it out. We told Yoshi's mother and Grandmother about what the young man did, and what we hoped was not in the envelopes, but when we opened them it was something totally different, it was a small Buddha carved out of indifferent jade, but none the less jade and the top of the Buddha had a gold metal loop which heavy red thread was strung through designed to be hung from some place.

It was quite charming, we were told by Yoshi's Grandma that it was meant for luck. What a lovely way to start the Chinese New Year, with good friends,a warm loving place and a good luck charm. I have it now on my desk at work, sitting on top of the red envelope like a cup on a place mat. A lovely memory to keep.

The rains returned the next day and they will continue through the week, I can only hope that a good snow pack is created, this state does not need another drought. But with the rains have come a biting chill, there is threats that it could get down to the low 30's, which for anyone in the Mid-west or northern states is considered mild.

Down in Australia they are suffering fire storms, killing people (the toll up to 170), wiping out whole townships, people in fear for the loss of their loved ones, and what makes it so horrible is that it is possible that quite a number of the 400 fires may have been arson. (Growl)

What insane person would do something like that, ooohhhh sweet things I forget there are mentally ill people that get their kicks out of something so horrendous as that, I hope they find them and then if they get so excited about fire then let the arsonists burn---vicious?? Of course it is, but then I never said that I could be kind to criminals.

And speaking of criminals, the say that over 10,000 criminals are going to be released from our California prisons because of overcrowded conditions. Overcrowded Conditions!!! If you do the crime you do the time, you lose any right to comfort, or cossetting. Why not outsource them to the Sheriff of Maricopa County, now that is a man I could like, he lets prisoners know that being in jail is not a country club, no cossetting,you are criminals so suck it up and deal. Hot? of course hot, Cold? of course cold. Don't expect any sympathy. The only thing you have a right to is legal counsel and due process. But once clearly proven that you have done the crime, then do the time, no cushy situation, make little rocks out of big rocks!! (Roar!)

John Updike, author, is dead, his novels and short stores focused and exposed an undercurrent of ambivalence and disappointment in small-town middle class American, lung cancer at age 76, I have a couple of his books on my shelf, now I need to get around to finish reading them. Hmmmm

And speaking of reading, a friend of mine who is in a position to get advance sale copies of books, gave me several and asked my opinion on them---I must confess sweet things I couldn’t put two of them down (Rowl, I looove books like that), I’m speaking of “Spade and Archer” by Joe Gores which is a pre-quell to “the Maltese falcon” Gores did such an excellent job, creating a back story for Sam Spade and all the characters we became familiar with, I could even sense and feel the places he described.

Another is “Light and Shadow” by Johnathan Rabb, a murder mystery that occurred in Berlin some 10 years after World War I and brings in Fritz Lang and the UFA studios, I loved envisioning the scenes like a noir film. But you need to read an earlier work of his “Rosa” to get a better back story on the detective, but even without that it’s still a most intriguing mystery to read.

And yes I know they are advance copies with some errors and things to be added, but it’s the story I desire. (purrr)

Now out there in the world~~~~

The depressing news that 60,000 jobs lost in a single day keeps echoing down the streets of San Francisco…. Some young acquaintances of mine, working part time at Circuit City now unemployed and scrambling have taken the hit~~~

Let’s see:

Circuit city 34,000 100%
Caterpillar 20,000 18%
Pfizer 19,000 15%
Home Depot 7,000 2.0%
Microsoft 5,000 5.5 %
Boeing 4,500 2.8 % and on and on.

I fully believe that even 2009 is not going to be too good either but I’m of the opinion that by the end of this year we will start to see the beginning of a turn around, a lot of good that will do for those who’ve lost their jobs, their homes, and maybe living out on the street. (Snarl)

But there are some families that are moving back in with Mom and Dad, we are going back to the rural way of living, pulling all resources together, no wonder you had to have 10 to 15 room houses back then with 3 or 4 families living together. Hmmm but is it too much togetherness.

And now the Vatican shifts into damage control in regards to its statements about the Holocaust and its attempt at the revival of traditionalism, in this world of instability such a revival may happen, but the pope is not making some people very happy, pooh! You can’t please everyone.

Switzerland is voting whether or not to stop free passage across it’s borders, Hmmm in this day and age that maybe a wise move but it does emphasize the fear of xenophobia especially now that times are hard, the fear that “this foreigner” is stealing my job, my income, my life.

Finally the idiots in Washington D.C. are coming around to voting on the stimulus packet, which some people feel is not a good thing, that it won’t make a difference, even if it doesn’t it will at least show that the ‘government’ is trying to do something, to give people some sort of ‘carrot’ of hope, it’s psychological, and if it turns into the beginnings of some sort of physical reality it’s better than nothing at all.

And Obama is still flogging it, being the 'good cop', is Nancy Pelosi going to be bad cop? Now we all know why~~~In two years there will be a mid-term election and if those congressmen and Senators (Democrats) do not make some compromises, people will vote Republican---and we all know that Obama does not want to face a predominate Republican Congress, now does he. Hmmmm?

The fools at the state capital are not much better; I am so tired of “Da Arnold’ being a form of ‘Oreo cookie’ republican on the outside and a twisted democrat on the inside, his furloughing people is not a good move, and only increases the economic fear even more, I’ve seen too many small businesses close up, the government in California is NOT encouraging businesses to come to California, they are leaving, and it’s not because of the fear of earthquakes, California is becoming Berkeley on a large scale. (Snarl).

One of my friends’ son is going to join the Navy, competition for scholarships is tough, jobs are non-existent, joining the Navy seems to be the best choice, he loves the sea anyway. He can get schooling, college credits, cash, it’s not perfect, but it’s the only thing left for him. At first he was thinking of the Marines—not army---but his Dad was in the Navy, so he can relate---well I’ve often said about Marines and Navy men, you can take them out of it, but its never taken out of them. (Merowl)

It seems that the stock market has gone up a measly 5% on all 4 markets,Dow, S & P, NASDAQ and Barron’s 400 but this is going to be a very tricky thing, sweet things if you want to get a bit of an assessment about this read Kopin Tan’s column in Barron’s Feb 9, 2009 page M3, it’s far more than I can explain here. But look at the 4 charts that accompany it, as you can see we took the “dive” across the board at the end of September close to when the housing market crashed, and it just‘bumped’ along, this is going to be one very long, long climb, or a very bumpy ride.

And finally that doctor that implanted those 8 embryos is now going to be investigated for medical ethics, it's only the start sweet things, only the start.

On a final note before I close, I've been asked about the type of church that I spent my early life in, well sweet things I will have to save that for another posting.

I can only go down memory lane for so long and then it can become painful, oohhh I have taken my demons out and they don't have any hold on me, but I want to stay with the enjoyment of life for a few days, before I go down that dark road again.

The full moon hides its face from me tonight, the clouds scuttle over the night sky, and I know the morning will be gray, cold and wet with rain, but this grayness I can accept, if it brings the goodness of rain with it.

My Cd is playing it's final song before I settle down to sleep. (Sarah Brightman singing "Think of Me" from 'Phantom of the Opera') I will think on things and on friends as I drift off to sleep.

Think of "sweet things" for me my darlings as I will for you.