Beware, or I'll eat you alive.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Thoughts and Decisions~~~~

Hello Sweet Things,

Dad is now baptized a Catholic! Mom is Happy! Baby Sis and fiancé Ted are Happy! And so am I!

Bit by bit over the nearly 2 years that have passed, a cloud that had covered my parents house for most of their married life and for our formative years, has finally lifted, Mother seems to credit me with being the cathartic effect that started Dad’s transformation, but I have always felt that it was there, Dad just had to take that chance to change, I think young Alex, at Dad’s work was and is very helpful, he showed Dad the way.

I think I was just the “consciousness” that he needed to help him make that decision. But I know many people will ask “Why Catholic?” Well it was the religious belief that Mother grew up in and had the strongest convection with, in many ways for Dad, it gives him the structure he still needs but without being a dictator, it also gives him the freedom to freely celebrate all those religious points of redemption with love.

I know that with all the news stories of pedophile priests and the inaction of the current pope when he was a cardinal it makes the Catholic church look vile, but what people forget is that pedophiles occur in any religious belief, there are pedophile ministers in protestant churches, the same with Rabbis’, Imams, Scout masters, baby sitters, teachers in private and public schools, coaches, you name it, they are everywhere. So why should one religious group be singled out of all the others, people forget you will find pedophiles everywhere.

Dad feels it’s because the leaders of the church were not aggressive to weed them out, but it is also true of other churches and organizations. It is not so much a church, as keeping faith in one’s religious beliefs; we make the mistake of putting leaders religious, political, or organizational on pedestals forgetting that they are human and fallible; prey to all the evils that plague up. Even the late Martin Luther King, Jr. use to smoke cigarettes, but that does not make him a spokesperson for the tobacco industry; he still was a leader that sparked a movement.

Former President Jimmy Carter has a brother that was an embarrassment, but he weathered it, even though I think that he was one of the worst presidents we ever had.

I know that with my above statements it may seem like I’m defending the Pope or the Catholic Church---I’m not, but I think that we as a nation of responsible people are losing our focus by being too intent on one aspect and not looking at others. It does not excuse what has happened, No, but we are not looking at a much bigger picture outside of any religious organization.

Alright Sweet Things I will leave that subject for now----it is something that should be discussed in a “court of law”. Not debated on a blog at least not on my blog.

I am just happy that my family is healing and moving forward, that light has come into our lives, and that with the rest of the years remaining with my parents it will be better and happier for all of us.

Easter I have to say was wonderful, even if a bit chilly, that didn’t matter, all was love, healing, light and warmth. One couldn’t ask for more.

I wish I could have stayed longer but my demands at work prevented that, and I had to fly back early Monday morning, I flew back without my luggage, Mom is going to wash and press my things and I’ll have them available for when I go back down, this way I can just use an overnight case if I have to. So took a cab to the nearest Bart Station and back to work, shocked my co-workers but what can you do, I have to hit the ground running and a good thing I did.

Lillian is back in her own home now, feeling much, much better, I’m so glad----I missed her abrasive honesty, we had dinner and went to the movies tonight and caught a late night showing of “Clash of the Titans” in 3-D. Lillian wanted to see if it’s better than the old 3-D movies of the 1950’s. She was very impressed and I was entertained.

I talked to her about Lynda’s situation and asked if I did anything to put her marriage in jeopardy, Lillian is acquainted with Lynda, told me that even she could see that this was coming for a long time, I just gave Lynda a chance to think clearly to make a clear decision, she saw Lynda’s boys and how Lynda’s husband was undercutting any discipline to keep them in line. Lillian said that it would be best for Lynda to make a very clean break, even if it means she will never see her boys again.

But according to Lillian, it may not be such a loss for Lynda if she regains her sanity, Lillian likened it to and operation for cancer, even if it is a “cancer of the heart.”

But now as for my situation with Joe that is a different matter.

I have very strong feelings for Joe, granted I’m friends with Frank, but Frank has a lady that he has dated from time to time, so as someone who is serious with me, Frank is not in that picture, even though I do adore him and worry about him as a friend.

But Joe----I told Lillian that I was not sure if I wanted to be married at all, nor was I interested in sharing my home either---that may sound selfish, but I’ve carved out a life for myself that I am very contented with, I am free to come and go as I wish, do as I wish, live as I wish. Would that be fair to Joe?

Lillian told me that it’s more fair to be honest with Joe, because he maybe feeling the same things as well, but that he may not want me to have any false hope of the possibility of marriage or living together. To have these ideas and feelings out in the open is vital.

She did suggest that from a legal point of view it might be helpful for the both of us to have legal rights if both our families live far away from us to make immediate decisions, especially in regards to medical decisions, to at least keep us alive until family can arrive.

So much to think about! I’m not sure. But Lillian is right we do need to have our thoughts and opinions on the table, to be honest with each other. I’m just a little afraid that if I tell Joe how I feel that I might lose him, but if I don’t I would be dishonest and unfair to both of us.

But with that fear is a chance I’ll have to take; I’ll know by tomorrow, he has a day off and doesn’t need to be on duty. I’ll just have to take my courage and my heart into both of my hands and hope for the best, expect the worst and see what comes. I hope I can do this.

For now I’ll put off that worry until tomorrow, right now it was dinner and a movie with Lillian, good thing I drove she demanded at least two beers at dinner. Good for her.

Until Later Sweet Things.

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